It is tough to watch your son go through hard times. If you have ever asked yourself “why can’t my son find a girlfriend?” then I have some possible reasons that we have discussed on the dating women radio show that I co-host.
By the way, the advice you will get here is G-rated. It is our aim to get good women and good men into long term relationships so you will not get any sex talk here!
Is your son a “nice guy?”
This is a great attribute to have but could he be too nice? On our show there are guys that are too happy to be there with women. Everyone around these guys are surprised they do not have a girlfriend because they would treat someone so well. Problem is, the “nice guys” like this want to do too much, too soon, for the object of their affection.
Put it this way, what if you rolled into your local car dealership and declared that you would pay anything for the new car you just saw on the lot? Do you think you will make your best deal that day?
Same with women.
If he tells her (via his actions) that no matter what he will “pay” anything to be with her, then even the nicest girl is going to walk all over him and get bored.
You do not get what you deserve in life, you get what you NEGOTIATE.
Is your son the best he can be?
Does he take care of his mind and body with equal vigor? Women want a guy that can talk about things beyond sports and while he does not have to be a supermodel, in our visual society he has a better chance with MORE women if he is in physical shape, clean and wears stylish clothes.
You see, dating is a lot like sales. The better your product, the more chance you have to make a sale. It is not like you cannot make a sale with a limited selection but it makes it harder.
Put it this way, if you have 2 grocery stores side by side and one has the basics while the other has the basics plus a seafood stand, a deli that bakes its own bread and other amenities, which store has a better chance of making more sales?
Being the best he can be just helps him meet more women. Out of 100 women, maybe 20 are interested with the way he is now but he could up that number to 40 if he is in shape and wears nice clothes. It is no guarantee, but I like his odds more with 40 women versus 20!
Is he too serious around women?
As Cyndi Lauper said in 1985: “Girls Just Want To Have Fun.” Remember that song? It applies to dating and relationships with women. We tell guys all the time to keep it light and keep it funny when dating. She wants to laugh and have a good time on a date.
If your son does not have that kind of personality then encourage him to study the comedy greats, rent Cary Grant movies (who was the most romantic figure in movie history), and take improvisation classes or comedy classes.
Is he a mystery and a challenge?
This is related to the “nice guy” entry from the front of the article. Women like to WONDER about a guy that they are interested in. We tell guys not to tell girls anything personal about themselves during the course of a date and to wait 5 to 9 days between dates to call them. We also tell them NOT to ask for a date on a date.
Basically, you want her to do most of the talking, laugh a lot and then wonder if your son is ever going to call again! Her interest level raises naturally in a guy that she cannot figure out and is hard to get.
Is he a gentleman?
Eyes focused on her. Pull out the chair. Walk on the outside. Hold her door open for her. No sexual comments. Make her laugh (see how this is important since I mentioned it again?).
Also, he needs to be strong enough to be able to say no. If she is giving him static and he knows he is being played then he has to stand up for himself. Too many guys are just happy to be out with her because they are attracted to her. If I am giving respect, I expect respect back. A good woman will appreciate that she cannot walk over your son.
Guys today have lost the art of chivalry but good girls still want a gentleman!
Too many compliments and gifts?
He is allowed to give 2 compliments. When he picks her up, he can tell her that she looks nice. When he drops her off, he can tell her that he had a fun time. Tell him NOT to give flowers, candy or anything like that.
Listen, I am all about giving compliments, flowers, candy, thoughtful cards and other forms of affection to a woman if she is my girlfriend, fiance, or wife. However, in the INITIAL stages of dating, compliments and gifts are perceived as a weak attempt to buy her affection.
If excessive gifts and compliments really worked, then every rich guy with a glib tongue would be in happy relationships and poor, shy guys would be forever lonely.
Remember, she does not respond to your son GIVING excessive amounts of things to her, whether it be his attention or gifts. She wants to laugh, have fun but also WONDER how many women are chasing your son.
Does he put himself in the right position to meet women?
Does he play online Friday nights and then go to the nightclub on Saturday and then the sports bar on Sunday? These might be the wrong places to meet great women.
Online dating, speed dating, volunteer events, wine tasting, cooking classes, dance lessons are all viable options to meet great women. Plus, in those settings you have a better chance to get to know her as a person and of course, we want your son with a woman that has a flexible and giving personality that is clinically sane!
If you have ever asked yourself “why can’t my son find a girlfriend,” then I hope this article helped you.