Lyric writing can be a tricky thing. Sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. I’ve always found if you think about the big picture of what you’re songs trying to say, you’ll have an easier time trying to get your message across. One way to do that, is to answer a few questions, before your pen ever hits the paper.
A while ago, I took a lyric writing workshop with Pat Pattison, who’s a lyric writing professor at Berklee College of Music. He had some of the students play their songs, and then he’d review their lyrics with them. A lot of times, when he felt the lyrics got confusing, he asked three rhetorical questions of the student’s work:
1. Who’s talking?
2. Who is he (or she) talking to? And
3. Why?
Ever since that workshop, I’ve asked myself these questions before any song I write. The reason being that these questions help you to think about the big picture of your song, in a similar way to what I talked about in the preceding paragraphs.
If you still don’t understand why asking yourself these three questions could make or break your lyrics, let’s look at a real world example, in the song (alternately known as) “Forget You” by Cee Lo Green. I’ll make the argument that of the three questions posed above, two of them are clearly defined throughout the song. They are:
1. Who’s talking? In this song, it’s a guy who lost his girl.
3. Why (is he talking to her)? He’s jealous, angry, and still wants her back.
When we go through all the lyrics, you’ll see that those two answers ring true consistently throughout the whole song. But the answer to the second question does not:
2. Who is he talking to?
The answer to this question varies through the lyric, and pulls us away from getting into the song as much as we could. You’ll notice that throughout most of the song, he’s talking to the girl. His ex. But there are two lines in the song that are addressed to the girl’s new guy, directly. It’s these two lines:
I see you driving ’round town with the girl I love and I’m like,
Forget you
I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough I’m like,
Forget you and forget her too
If you wanted to get super-technical, we could even argue that in the line “I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough,” he’s talking to himself, or the listener directly. But for lack of any further confusion, we’ll lump that line in with the stuff he’s saying to the boyfriend.
You might say “okay, well so what? It’s only two lines in the whole song. It’s hardly noticeable.” Well, the problem is these two lines happen in the chorus, so we consistently go BACK to them throughout the song. The perspective of who he’s talking to changes causing our minds to lose focus on what’s happening, and who he’s talking to. In addition to that, the song starts with these two lines, so we begin hearing the song with an expectation that he’s talking to the girl’s new guy. But then throughout most of the song, he’s not.
Let’s check it out.
Chorus
(speaking to the new boyfriend)
I see you driving ’round town with the girl I love and I’m like,
Forget you
I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough I’m like,
Forget you and forget her too
(speaking to the ex-girlfriend)
I said, if I was richer, I’d still be with ya
Ha, now ain’t that some sh-t?
And although there’s pain in my chest I still wish you the best with a…
Forget you!
Verse 1
(still speaking to the ex-girlfriend)
Yeah I’m sorry, I can’t afford a Ferrari,
But that don’t mean I can’t get you there.
I guess he’s an xbox and I’m more atari,
But the way you play your game ain’t fair.
I pity the fool that falls in love with you
I’ve got some news for you
Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend
Chorus
(back to speaking to the new boyfriend)
I see you driving ’round town with the girl I love and I’m like,
Forget you
I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough I’m like,
Forget you and forget her too
(back to speaking to the ex girlfriend)
I said, if I was richer, I’d still be with ya
Ha, now ain’t that some sh-t?
And although there’s pain in my chest I still wish you the best with a…
Forget you!
Verse 2
(still on the ex girlfriend)
Now I know, that I had to borrow,
Beg and steal and lie and cheat.
Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya.
‘Cause being in love with your ass ain’t cheap.
I pity the fool that falls in love with you
I’ve got some news for you
I really hate your ass right now
Chorus
(back to speaking to the new boyfriend)
I see you driving ’round town with the girl I love and I’m like,
Forget you
I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough I’m like,
Forget you and forget her too
(back to speaking to the ex girlfriend)
I said, if I was richer, I’d still be with ya
Ha, now ain’t that some sh-t?
And although there’s pain in my chest I still wish you the best with a…
Forget you!
Bridge
(still on the ex girlfriend)
Now baby, baby, baby, why’d you want to want to hurt me so bad?
I tried to tell my mamma but she told me this is one for your dad
Whhhy? Whhhy? Whhhy, lady?
I love you
I still love you
Chorus
(and one more time to the new boyfriend)
I see you driving ’round town with the girl I love and I’m like,
Forget you
I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough I’m like,
Forget you and forget her too
(back to speaking to the ex girlfriend)
I said, if I was richer, I’d still be with ya
Ha, now ain’t that some sh-t?
And although there’s pain in my chest I still wish you the best with a…
Forget you!
Wow, those two little lines, sure did make a lot of waves throughout the entire lyric, didn’t they? Had the question “Who is he talking to?” been asked before pen hit paper, all this confusion could have been avoided.
You may be saying… “What are you talking about?! This song is a hit! A Grammy winning, smash hit! There’s a reason for that, right?” Yes there is. The reason is that in hit songs, melody rules. This song has great, singable, memorable melody. No question about it. But the lyrics lose some steam because of the confusion of who’s being spoken to in the lyrics.
If you’re an unknown artist, you want to increase your chances in any way you can. So ask yourself three simple questions before you write your next song. Then decide if it makes the focus of your new songs sharper.
