Dating

My Husband is in Love With Another Woman But Wants to Stay With Me

The other day, I got an email from a wife who told me: “my husband is in love with someone else.  He’s very honest about the fact that he loves her, but he says his commitment is to me and to our family.  He’s going to stay with me, but I feel as though he’s only with me because he’s obligated.  I suspect that if he could have his way, he’d be with her.  How can I have a marriage knowing I’m the second prize?”  I’ll tell you what I told her in the following article.

If Your Husband Is In Love With Someone Else, He Must Have No Contact With Her If You’re Going To Save Your Marriage: This seems like common sense, but I can’t tell you how many women write to me and explain a situation where the husband is carrying on with both the wife and the mistress.  This scenario can not end well.  If your husband has the ability to compare you with the woman who isn’t washing his laundry or picking up after him or carrying the baggage of the history between you, then you may well lose.  

If he’s really committed to you, then his loyalties and his attention should lie at home.  In order to restore trust and intimacy, you can not and should not worry if he’s been with her.  He must cut all ties.  There are no exceptions to this. I realize that he may well work with her but if this is the case, then very firm boundaries must be set (and I actually prefer that he transfer or get another job.)  It is huge disservice to you to ask you to even remotely allow her into your life.  You deserve better than this and you must demand it.  

If he wants to stay with you, make him earn this right.  He must not see her, talk to her, or interact with her and he must provide you with what you need to prove to you that you can trust that this is the reality of the situation.   

Focusing Only On The Two Of You: Once you banish this woman from your (and your husband’s) life, your focus must then move to the two of you.  Don’t give her more power than she deserves and don’t keep going back to her or the relationship.  In order for this to work, you both must be committed to repairing the marriage. Continuing to dwell on her runs counter to this.  And, frankly, continuing to bring her up only makes your husband think about her.  You obviously do not want this.  Keep his attention where it belongs – on you and your family.

 Now, admittedly, you will have to explore why the affair happened, but focus instead on what went wrong in YOUR relationship and how to fix it rather than on what was so special about THEIR relationship.  Their relationship should be over, done, and eventually forgotten.  You can speed this along by focusing on the things that are going to help to reestablish the bond and the connection. 

I find that many people make the mistake of placing too much pressure on the situation.  This makes both people feel uncomfortable and awkward.  These negative feelings can make you feel like this is just a lost cause.  It’s important that you’re both clear on the fact that the commitment is there so it’s going to be OK to muddle or struggle through for a while.  You must know that he’s absolutely committed to you and vice verse so that if there are rough times ahead, you’ll both hang in there, knowing that if you can get through the next several weeks, things will become much easier.

Creating A Newer And Better Marriage: Yes, working through this is hard.  But, it’s important to not make it drudgery.  Focus on just having fun together day by day when you are ready.  You must create what is a “new normal.”  However, this new state of being should eventually be better than what came before it.  Visit new places.  Have new experiences. Shop, travel, and eat at new places that will create new memories.  Step outside of your comfort zone to create feelings of excitement, exploration, and anticipation.

I know that some of this article has focused on her and the negative aspects of her.  But, I want you to focus on what is the good news.  He’s made clear that he’s committed to you.  Many wives do not have this luxury. I have so many women who write me and tell me that not only is he in love with someone else, but he’s leaving and is going to be with her.  This is not your situation so take advantage of what you do have right now – his commitment (and hopefully yours too.)



Source by Katie Lersch

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You may also like

Politics

E-Governance

1.INTRODUCTION:

World economies have recognized Information Technology as an effective tool in catalyzing the economic activity in efficient governance and in developing human resource. They have made significant investments in it and successfully integrated it with the development process, thereby reaping the benefits to their society. In India also, these developments have impacted the industrial, education, service and Government sectors and their influence on various applications is increasingly being felt of

late.

As the era of digital economy is evolving, the concept of governance has assumed significant importance. The e-Governance has consequently become an accepted methodology involving the use of Information Technology in improving transparency, providing information speedily to all citizens, improving administration efficiency and improving public services such as transportation, power, health, water, security and municipal services.

India has been harnessing the benefits provided by the Information & Communication

Technologies to provide integrated governance, reach to the citizens faster,provide efficient services and citizen…

Read More
Politics

5 Basics To Protect Your Health During A Pandemic

This year, 2020, will be remembered, unfortunately, as the year of this horrific pandemic, which has seen over 50 million worldwide cases, and over 10 million cases in the United States, as well as about a million deaths, throughout the world, and nearly 250, 000 fatalities, in this nation. Some articulate, a variety of inane concepts, and theories, including, herd immunity, pandemic – fatigue, or, it will all go away, by itself, etc, but, if we wish, to address this virus, and begin to reduce the public health risks, we need to take personal responsibility, to protect our health, and well – being, during a pandemic. With that in mind, this article will attempt to, briefly, consider, examine, review, and discuss, 5 basic steps, to achieve this.

1. Wear a mask: Why has wearing a mask, become a political discussion? Nearly, every public health expert, states, if, everyone, simply wore…

Read More
Travel

Introducing Mauritius

One captivating island that is not yet discovered by a lot of people is Mauritius Island. Although not as popular as the other islands in the world, Mauritius has its own promise of enchantment you would not want to miss.

Mauritius is an island in the Indian Ocean. It is located off the coast of Africa and lies east of Madagascar. Long before it was named after Prince Maurice, who was the Prince of Orange and Count of Nassau, it were the Arab traders who set foot on this island back in the 10th century. However, it was the culture of the Dutch that made great influence on the island when they used it as a supply base. When the Dutch decided to desert the island, the French came. Then the British got hold of the island through the Treaty of Paris before they finally became independent in 1968.

Due to…

Read More
Travel

Ten Steps to Improve Hospitality Communication

You’re celebrating your anniversary at a nice restaurant, you order your favorite meal, it’s going to be a wonderful night… but the waiter is in a bad mood, the order is late, and the food is not what you wanted, you can hear an argument in the kitchen… You won’t be going to that restaurant again, and you’ll tell all your friends too.

Bad communication is bad news anywhere, and in the hospitality industry in particular. So how can we prevent Hospitality communication calamities?

1. Have well-trained staff. If you can’t hire well trained staff, find people who are keen workers and willing to learn, and train them yourself. In fact, some employers prefer to train their own staff, rather than re-train experienced staff to meet their standards. Well trained staff is the key to providing professional service.

2. Hospitality is all about service; stress that to your staff. Hospitality staff often…

Read More
Travel

Perth International Airport

Hire Car At Your Fingertip

Perth International Airport Background

The 4th busiest airport in Australia, Perth international airport is situated just outside Perth in Australia. It has three terminals – an international terminal (T1) and two domestic terminals (T2&T3). The building of the international terminal is located 17km from Central Perth and the two domestic terminals about 12 km from the main district of the city.

Perth City

Perth is the capital of Western Australia, which is Australia’s largest state. Interestingly, Perth is geographically closer to East Timor and Jakarta, Indonesia, than to Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane.

Perth is nestled in the Swan river, which flows back to the Indian ocean. Perth has the most captivating beaches in Australia.

Tourists’ Itch

As you land in one of the three airport terminals, we can understand the tourist(s) itch you must be having on your feet to explore and get a feel of this beautiful Australian city. You…

Read More
Politics

How to Become a Journalist

Journalism is a very competitive field and one of the most exciting as well. If you love to gather interesting information, analyzing and reporting them and disseminating them to the general public, then a journalism career is for you. Journalism jobs in London are in demand as media companies and publishing houses are always on the lookout for fresh journalists.

Journalism jobs vary but the most popular include working in a newspaper or broadcasting station. Entry level positions for fresh graduates are available in these job sectors. Once you’ve gained experience or had taken advance courses in journalism, you can land better jobs as a reporter, commentator, sports and weathercaster, and anchor. Others become news writers, columnists, and correspondents.

Educational Requirements

Journalists must possess exemplary knowledge and skills in the English language. They have to be proficient in both written and oral communication. As such, they must have a degree in English…

Read More
Travel

Seychelles Vacation – The Best Time For Your Travel to Seychelles

When is the best time for a holiday in Seychelles? This is a question I get asked very often. And the answer really is an issue that has nothing to do with Seychelles at all. First, I must say, for a vacation in Seychelles there is no “best time” of year. It is pleasant 365 days in these islands. So…

Right now with prices being low, not cheap but definitely more affordable if you’re on a budget, now is a very good time for that Seychelles holiday. But before you rush off to buy a ticket to Seychelles today I would suggest you plan well and you keep yourself informed of special offers, especially during the off-season.

Why the off-season? It is because that might be the very best time for your own holiday depending on your situation. Knowing all that will ensure the very best holiday in Seychelles for you….

Read More
Travel

Discover the Beauty of Dominica by Planning a Vacation

A proper plan is necessary for almost anything. Even if you want to lead a successful and happy life you need to plan it properly. Similarly of you want to go for a vacation you need to plan it in the best possible way. Planning can sometimes seem to be a bit tough because there are so many things to consider.

When you plan for a vacation the first thing that you need to do is plan your budget. You need to find out how much you will be able to spend and depending on that you need to take the other decisions. You must always remember that some places are more costly than the others. If you are looking forward to spend some time on a wonderful beach then you can think about choosing Dominica. The Dominican islands are also called the nature islands because of the natural beauty…

Read More