Dating

Friends in Need: Interventions for Domestic Violence

Last month, I received the following letter from an old friend, Lloyd Barnhart.

“A topic I would like you to cover/explore is that curious phenomena which permits otherwise independent women to be dominated… even abused… by males with whom they share some sort or relationship. Why is it that a seemingly strong, intelligent woman would allow herself to be hurt… her life to be altered in a negative way by some guy with whom she has some sort of relationship. I currently know a couple such women and feel completely helpless with regard to alleviating their problem (which they apparently fail to see).

“I realize we/you could attack this from the other angle: Why would a man want to completely dominate a female to the point where she fails to exist as an individual?? But, for now… help me understand this from the female perspective.”

I’d be happy to, and I hope the following information answers your questions. Of course, every person involved in violent situations has his or her own reason for living that way. Usually, women who remain in abusive or violent situations are more afraid of being alone than of being with the abusive husband. She may also be afraid of what he’ll do if she leaves. She’s usually financially dependent on him. If the couple has children, the woman feels even more invested and trapped-she believes she’s protecting the children. The more time passes, the weaker, more dependent and “stuck” she becomes. Abusive men are narcissistic-they have “Jekyll and Hyde” personalities, which means that they can be very charming when they’re not being abusive. Women who stay in abusive situations focus on this charm, and deny the abuse. They also have experience of their husbands smoothly talking their way out of any responsibility for misbehavior, for example if she once called 911 and he got the police to believe nothing was wrong. The woman feels hopeless and helpless, that no one will believe her or help her get out. She’s also ashamed, and doesn’t want people to know her misery. Various women have combinations of all or some of these reasons for staying.

The question here that concerns most of us would be: “What can I do to help?” Here are some steps you can take when you believe a friend or family member is in this situation.

1. Get informed about options. Before attempting to help, make sure you know what the options are for the woman and her children. Obtain a domestic violence hotline number, (National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) the number for child protective services (ask the operator for your local Child Abuse Hotline, go to www.childhelpusa.org or call 1-800- 4 A Child ) and numbers for local womens’ shelters. Call the numbers, explain that you want to help a female friend, and find out what information these organizations need to help your friend or family member. Make a list of the information she’ll need to provide. The National Domestic Violence Hotline Website has a lot of very helpful information at https://www.thehotline.org. But, don’t just refer your friend to the website or phone numbers. Give her all the details you can. Remember, she’s probably feeling hopeless and helpless, and perhaps even worthless. She’ll need friends to guide her every step of the way.

2. A violent spouse has impaired impulse control, and can go off violently at any time. It’s vital that no one talk to the husband, because if he’s angered, he may take it out on his family. Understand that, if he’s truly violent, it won’t work to talk to him. His wife and children must be safe before anyone approaches him. Once the family is safe, you can offer him anger management classes, or suggest therapy. Don’t be surprised if he blames his wife for his anger. Understand that, if you get child protective services involved, and the wife won’t stay away from her husband, the children may be taken into protective custody. Also if the wife goes into a women’s shelter, with her children, she will lose her job, if she has one, and she can’t contact her relatives from the shelter. Shelters stress that women cannot go anywhere their husbands would look for them, or they could lead a violent man to the shelter, and endanger everyone there.

3. Find a couple of friends or family members you can trust not to tell the husband what you know, and talk to them to find out what they know about the situation, and if they’d be willing to help. If you’re not sure about the abuse or violence, they may be able to confirm your fears, or set them at rest. If you find that your fears are confirmed, make it clear to everyone that your friend is in real danger. Make a plan for what each of you are willing to do to help. Perhaps a family member can take her and the children in, and keep her surrounded and safe from her husband if he goes into a rage. Perhaps you can get her connected to a women’s shelter. Perhaps you can help her get a Restraining Order, or a Protection from Violence Order against her husband. Some of you may know enough facts to witness on her behalf. You may be able to help her see the websites on a computer her husband won’t be able to access.

4. Once the first three steps are in place, you need to talk to the woman who’s in danger. If you, a relative, or one of the other friends can get her alone, away from her husband, do so. Don’t leave telltale phone messages or e-mails, because women in these situations are often closely monitored by their husbands. Find a way to meet with her alone.

5. Once you get her alone, tell her what you know about her situation. This may mortify her, but it’s important that she knows you know. Tell her you care about her, you’re willing to help her if she wants help, and what you can do for her. She needs to know she has support and protection, because getting away from this man is very frightening for her. She may tell you she’s fine, she doesn’t need help. She may even be angry at you. In that case, don’t get angry or annoyed. Instead, tell her if she ever needs help, you’re available. You can print the ” Family Violence Q& A ” article from my website and leave it with her.

6. If your friend has children, you believe the children are in danger, and she won’t do anything, you may have to call the Child Abuse Hotline without her permission. This will not be easy, because the family will then be investigated, the children may be taken away, and both parents will be required to take parenting classes, and domestic violence classes to regain custody of the children. Children’s Protective Services will give temporary custody to a safe family member in the meantime, if someone is willing.

None of this is pleasant, or easy, but if you honestly believe the relationship is abusive or violent, it’s the caring thing to do. Remember that domestic abuse or violence situations don’t get better without intervention.



Source by Tina Tessina

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You may also like

Politics

E-Governance

1.INTRODUCTION:

World economies have recognized Information Technology as an effective tool in catalyzing the economic activity in efficient governance and in developing human resource. They have made significant investments in it and successfully integrated it with the development process, thereby reaping the benefits to their society. In India also, these developments have impacted the industrial, education, service and Government sectors and their influence on various applications is increasingly being felt of

late.

As the era of digital economy is evolving, the concept of governance has assumed significant importance. The e-Governance has consequently become an accepted methodology involving the use of Information Technology in improving transparency, providing information speedily to all citizens, improving administration efficiency and improving public services such as transportation, power, health, water, security and municipal services.

India has been harnessing the benefits provided by the Information & Communication

Technologies to provide integrated governance, reach to the citizens faster,provide efficient services and citizen…

Read More
Politics

5 Basics To Protect Your Health During A Pandemic

This year, 2020, will be remembered, unfortunately, as the year of this horrific pandemic, which has seen over 50 million worldwide cases, and over 10 million cases in the United States, as well as about a million deaths, throughout the world, and nearly 250, 000 fatalities, in this nation. Some articulate, a variety of inane concepts, and theories, including, herd immunity, pandemic – fatigue, or, it will all go away, by itself, etc, but, if we wish, to address this virus, and begin to reduce the public health risks, we need to take personal responsibility, to protect our health, and well – being, during a pandemic. With that in mind, this article will attempt to, briefly, consider, examine, review, and discuss, 5 basic steps, to achieve this.

1. Wear a mask: Why has wearing a mask, become a political discussion? Nearly, every public health expert, states, if, everyone, simply wore…

Read More
Travel

Introducing Mauritius

One captivating island that is not yet discovered by a lot of people is Mauritius Island. Although not as popular as the other islands in the world, Mauritius has its own promise of enchantment you would not want to miss.

Mauritius is an island in the Indian Ocean. It is located off the coast of Africa and lies east of Madagascar. Long before it was named after Prince Maurice, who was the Prince of Orange and Count of Nassau, it were the Arab traders who set foot on this island back in the 10th century. However, it was the culture of the Dutch that made great influence on the island when they used it as a supply base. When the Dutch decided to desert the island, the French came. Then the British got hold of the island through the Treaty of Paris before they finally became independent in 1968.

Due to…

Read More
Travel

Ten Steps to Improve Hospitality Communication

You’re celebrating your anniversary at a nice restaurant, you order your favorite meal, it’s going to be a wonderful night… but the waiter is in a bad mood, the order is late, and the food is not what you wanted, you can hear an argument in the kitchen… You won’t be going to that restaurant again, and you’ll tell all your friends too.

Bad communication is bad news anywhere, and in the hospitality industry in particular. So how can we prevent Hospitality communication calamities?

1. Have well-trained staff. If you can’t hire well trained staff, find people who are keen workers and willing to learn, and train them yourself. In fact, some employers prefer to train their own staff, rather than re-train experienced staff to meet their standards. Well trained staff is the key to providing professional service.

2. Hospitality is all about service; stress that to your staff. Hospitality staff often…

Read More
Travel

Perth International Airport

Hire Car At Your Fingertip

Perth International Airport Background

The 4th busiest airport in Australia, Perth international airport is situated just outside Perth in Australia. It has three terminals – an international terminal (T1) and two domestic terminals (T2&T3). The building of the international terminal is located 17km from Central Perth and the two domestic terminals about 12 km from the main district of the city.

Perth City

Perth is the capital of Western Australia, which is Australia’s largest state. Interestingly, Perth is geographically closer to East Timor and Jakarta, Indonesia, than to Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane.

Perth is nestled in the Swan river, which flows back to the Indian ocean. Perth has the most captivating beaches in Australia.

Tourists’ Itch

As you land in one of the three airport terminals, we can understand the tourist(s) itch you must be having on your feet to explore and get a feel of this beautiful Australian city. You…

Read More
Politics

How to Become a Journalist

Journalism is a very competitive field and one of the most exciting as well. If you love to gather interesting information, analyzing and reporting them and disseminating them to the general public, then a journalism career is for you. Journalism jobs in London are in demand as media companies and publishing houses are always on the lookout for fresh journalists.

Journalism jobs vary but the most popular include working in a newspaper or broadcasting station. Entry level positions for fresh graduates are available in these job sectors. Once you’ve gained experience or had taken advance courses in journalism, you can land better jobs as a reporter, commentator, sports and weathercaster, and anchor. Others become news writers, columnists, and correspondents.

Educational Requirements

Journalists must possess exemplary knowledge and skills in the English language. They have to be proficient in both written and oral communication. As such, they must have a degree in English…

Read More
Travel

Seychelles Vacation – The Best Time For Your Travel to Seychelles

When is the best time for a holiday in Seychelles? This is a question I get asked very often. And the answer really is an issue that has nothing to do with Seychelles at all. First, I must say, for a vacation in Seychelles there is no “best time” of year. It is pleasant 365 days in these islands. So…

Right now with prices being low, not cheap but definitely more affordable if you’re on a budget, now is a very good time for that Seychelles holiday. But before you rush off to buy a ticket to Seychelles today I would suggest you plan well and you keep yourself informed of special offers, especially during the off-season.

Why the off-season? It is because that might be the very best time for your own holiday depending on your situation. Knowing all that will ensure the very best holiday in Seychelles for you….

Read More
Travel

Discover the Beauty of Dominica by Planning a Vacation

A proper plan is necessary for almost anything. Even if you want to lead a successful and happy life you need to plan it properly. Similarly of you want to go for a vacation you need to plan it in the best possible way. Planning can sometimes seem to be a bit tough because there are so many things to consider.

When you plan for a vacation the first thing that you need to do is plan your budget. You need to find out how much you will be able to spend and depending on that you need to take the other decisions. You must always remember that some places are more costly than the others. If you are looking forward to spend some time on a wonderful beach then you can think about choosing Dominica. The Dominican islands are also called the nature islands because of the natural beauty…

Read More