Being jointly mindful about how relationships develop gives you a chance at committed love, and you can both relax and explore along the way.
It takes time to get to the point of commitment. Too many leap into commitment too early. It causes heartbreak and disappointment.
Have you done that? Like a fairy tale with a first date and then living happily every after? It’s a fairy tale! The real world is that love takes time. Take each of the three stages to get there.
Stage One – First Dates
This is the exploratory stage. Is there any chemistry? Everything’s very preliminary.
It’s not time yet to be thinking about a possible future together, just checking the other out, and seeing if you’re interested enough for future dates.
Relationship chemistry’s physical, emotional, and spiritual. The physical is often obvious… do you find the person physically attractive? Do you like the eyes, mouth, body type? What about the voice and laugh, even the accent?
How does the person smell to you? What about the sense of touch when you shake hands or even kiss? What about taste?
If a person tastes or smells of smoke, is that a game-changer for you? Some things will never change. Some things will or can change over time, but right now you’re at the stage of first impressions through the five senses.
There is also the emotional and spiritual connection that’s part of early chemistry discovery. How’s the conversation? What do you care about? Do you share similar interests and life views?
Stage Two is the Honeymoon
The Honeymoon’s special. It’s something many couples work to keep aspects of later in their relationships.
You see one another frequently. You have a lot of fun and excitement together as you get to really know one another.
The honeymoon can last for a few months, or up to a year. It ends as you get to recognize the humanity of your partner. Your partner has flaws, and you start to see them. And they yours.
For some, the honeymoon is all they want. They have a kind of addiction to the thrill of the honeymoon.
They break up and move on as the honeymoon phase matures to its close. I call these people 90-Day Wonders.
They’re great for a honeymoon, but lack the emotional stability and maturity to pursue a long-term relationship.
Relationship Commitment is Stage Three
Once the honeymoon with the rose-colored glasses is ending, and you see one another’s lack of perfection, you may try to change one another.
You may struggle over who’s and who’s wrong in situations, beliefs, and attitudes. This can become a power struggle.
If you can get to the point where you accept one another as you are, rather than try to change perceived imperfections, many relationships become stronger and endure.
If not, breakup can happen, or, often worse, staying together and being miserable.
If the decision’s to accept your partner, and vice-versa, the relationship can continue and grow in a healthy way. You’ve given one another a chance at finding love.